Something that's been weighing on me the last two days is my emotional response to the disaster in Haiti. To start, I know it's selfish to even worry about MY response to something that's such a huge disaster. But if I am honest, I don't feel the sorrow and compassion I want and need to feel for this country thousands of miles away. I know something's wrong with this lack of reaction. I know it means that my heart is hard and that I'm so wrapped up in my world that I don't have empathy for people in the midst of their crisis. This isn't the way I'm supposed to be. It isn't how God designed me to be.
Saying that... I do have compassion for people I know in times of crisis. I hurt for them and love them and want to help them and pray for them and bring them up out of their pain. And it's not that I've never had true hurt for people in a time of disaster. When the tsunami hit Indonesia, I felt that. But I also have a friend who is a missionary there... and it was a personal connection. I'm shaking my head at myself right now in disappointment.
Have you ever felt this way? Like you aren't feeling for someone or group of people or situation in the manner you know you should? Like you've got a chip missing? I DO hope I'm the only one so I can just work on myself... but if I'm not, let me know how you prayed to get yourself out of this state. I know it's a matter of asking. And of focusing on something other than myself.
I did donate to Compassion International directly for their disaster relief in Haiti... here.
I think it's time to stop blogging and start praying!